


when in rome

by AptlyNamed



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: ... semi-seriously at least, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, no beta we die like beings of unknowable power, that was my entire thought process for this fic, what if elias wasnt actually an evil mastermind who knew what he was doing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-27 17:43:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20764382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AptlyNamed/pseuds/AptlyNamed
Summary: Elias Bouchard's life is one dumpster fire covered in eyes after another.He's trying his best, okay.





	when in rome

Elias is aware he gives off the impression of a calm, collected, rational academic. He doesn’t need to Know it, as it is by design. It is, in fact, the only thing in his life that is by design. 

Elias Bouchard does not know (or Know, for that matter) what the fuck he’s doing. Case in point: he didn’t mean to become a fear god’s avatar. Not that he’s complaining- the responsibilities inherent in being a fear god’s avatar aren’t great, but being all-knowing and having, like, a metric shitton of eyes on command definitely is, so it balances out. 

Generally he doesn’t even have to do much, as the omniscience helps him bullshit his way through most things. Making Gertrude the Archivist- that was on him, he admits it, that was not his best decision. In his defense, no one could’ve expected Gertrude Robinson, malevolent all-seeing eye patron be damned. 

The Eye begrudgingly agrees. That doesn’t stop it from abruptly and painfully uploading a hiring checklist directly to Elias’ mind as he’s midstep on the Institute’s stairs. He trips and just barely manages to keep from going ass over teakettle by gracelessly throwing himself at a nearby railing. 

It is supremely undignified. He’s sprawled on the steps, clinging to the railing as he adjusts to the new information at the forefront of his mind. Luckily there’s no one around to witness it, beyond a woman jogging by who pointedly speeds up as she passes him. The Beholding radiates smug satisfaction. 

No one had told him that eldritch fear entities could be  _ petty. _

Still, he has to admit that the checklist is handy. There’s a couple of passive-aggressive notes, like ‘Ensure  NO previous knowledge of espionage or C4’ and ‘Not given to altruistic Machiavellian ideologies’, but the rest seems fairly straightforward. There is also a general sense of a looming deadline in his mind- the Watcher’s Crown will require an Archivist, and the Beholding seems to want to stick to the previous timeline they’d been working on. Its gaze is heavier than usual, which he would normally enjoy. Now, it seems to be a reminder that that his own removal from his position would be quick and very, very brutal. 

With that in mind, he starts making rounds of the different sections of the Institute. Someone who already has a bit of the Eye will acclimate quicker, and it means Elias doesn’t have to conduct interviews. Win-win, in his opinion. 

He glides measuredly into the researcher’s section, idly making small talk as he works his way across the floor, affecting an air of dignity and smariness that people expect from someone who definitely has an honors degree and a sincere dedication to academia. All the while, he’s desperately scanning through the ranks, trying to suss out someone who has tendencies to the Eye naturally and seems malleable enough to survive becoming an inhuman avatar of an unknowable entity. This is, unsurprisingly, a bit of an ask. He nearly makes through the entirety of the researchers’ stock before he finds someone suitable. 

He’s begun to consider just promoting Rosie, despite how invaluable a receptionist she is, when a researcher bumps into him. 

The researcher looks rough, which is why it takes Elias a second to place his name. He’s never seen Jonathon Sims look unkempt, in the four years he’s worked at the Institute. The man in front of him now looks like he hasn’t slept in three days (and a quick Look confirms that as an accurate assessment).

Elias arches an eyebrow. “Are you feeling quite alright, Jonathon?” 

Sims blinks and seems to realize who he’s bumped into. He blanches. “I- yes, yes I’m quite fine. Just didn’t see you there, ah-”

Elias nods politely along to Jon’s stumbling as he less politely pages through his mind. Seems Mr. Sims had gotten utterly absorbed in an item’s history and hadn’t realized the time. This is not the first time this has happened. 

Intrigued, Elias Looks further in. Surely someone would notice and prod him into leaving? 

Apparently not. Jonathon Sims is rightfully known for his lack of people skills, and that's just how he likes it. There’s another researcher nursing something of a crush on him, but is too intimidated to actually do anything about it. 

Elias runs through the Beholding’s list. Anti-social, obsessive, with no real ties outside the Institute… and has never so much as touched an explosive compound. Elias barely manages to keep his bland smile from turning sharp and delighted. He’s found his Archivist. 

“Nevermind that,” he cuts Jon off smoothly. “I was actually just looking for you. Come by my office when you have a second.”

Jon’s startled, but nods hesitantly. Elias strides out of the researcher’s wing, and pauses by the receptionist's desk to ask Rosie to bring in paperwork for an internal promotion before collapsing in a satisfied heap at his desk. He allows himself one discrete fist pump. 

That was very nearly painless, and the Beholding quite likes the look of this new Archivist. For a job well done, he plans to reward himself with a bit of scotch and a nap. There can’t be that much paperwork for something as simple as a promotion.

**Author's Note:**

> beholding *looks at elias 'a bit of a pothead' bouchard*: oh shit wouldn't that be hilarious


End file.
